


Te amo, Abuelita

by ALiteraryLady



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson, Bilingual moments, F/M, Rafael being a cute little papa, grandmotherly wisdom, sweet and fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:26:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALiteraryLady/pseuds/ALiteraryLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the Barson fic I wrote for my Barson prompt, enjoy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Te amo, Abuelita

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



 

Olivia loathed when his green eyes were taut with a seething, secret anger, so when he held their apartment door open for her and his eyes locked on to her, she couldn’t hold back her own eye roll. They had left Noah with his mother, Lucia, so he could have some bonding time with her and she could welcome her soon to be adopted grandson with open arms. Olivia walked past him and heard his huff in reply to her eye roll and sat down the bags of groceries on the kitchen counter top. As she unpacked them, Rafael’s feet clicked over to her on their tiled apartment floor.

“So we’re not actually going to talk about this?” he pressed the question into her ear as he leaned against her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw his arms crossed over his chest, classic lawyer pose. The wine bottle in her hand thunked on the counter top as she turned, glaring at him.

“So now you want to talk? When I vaguely mentioned it to Lucia, you buttoned up so fast I thought you were going to catch a cold.” Olivia calmly snarked at him as he rolled his eyes.

“Liv- you can’t just ‘vaguely mention’ teaching Noah Espanol!”

“And why not?! Being bilingual will be a major asset to him-look at where you are in your life-”

His right hand went up in protest.

“-Yes, but-”

“-but what?”

“-” His mouth opened by silence fled out of it.

“Rafael, it would help Noah so much in college, in high school even, he could already go into school fluent and really excel.”

Rafael sighed, “I get where you’re coming from, but Liv...” he paused as she turned away and threw herself back into unpacking their groceries.

“...but what?” her eyes widened, “are you trying to make this a racial thing?”

Her intuition dinged at his rebuttals; Rafael the handsome, delightfully witty ADA who broke through more barriers than possible was taking this conversation to a place she didn’t think it could go. She watched Rafael run a hand over his parted and closely cropped hair as she saw his eyebrows furrow together.

“Liv, Noah will always be my hijo, you know that, but when we’re all together we don’t look like the standard family. That doesn’t bother me, but in Hispanic families, communities, we’re the odd ones out...Noah knowing spanish and using it out in public, while being a-”

Her finger paused his thoughts as Olivia spat the word out.

“Gringo? Rafael are you really going there?!” her hands slapped the counter, part of her satisfied that it made him jump in place while she read his eyes.

 

_ You’re still lying… _

 

__ “It will be a thing for Noah… I don’t like it any more than you do-”

“-bull! you’re lying!”

Rafael threw his hands up, “I’m not! This is something to consider, to really think about-” he shouted back at her. Olivia saw the same secret lurking in his eyes.

“If you aren’t going to teach him, then I’m not stopping your mother from sharing the language with him, I won’t tell him to skip taking Spanish in school!”

Rafael looked up at the ceiling and groaned, “School Spanish is the British take on English Liv, Noah would be learning actual Spanish from her—having my mother teach him Spanish slang and having him use it without understanding the context, the culture will make it harder for him--”

“So what you’re really saying is he can know the language but you get to gate keep the culture, the hidden Spanish from him?!” Olivia growled as her hands turned to fists in front of her.

Rafael sighed, “Yes, yes we do. Noah isn’t Latino or Hispanic, he can learn whatever language he wants but he’ll never be a boy from that culture, or from the Bronx...”

“Like you were, when your abuelita taught you Spanish.” Olivia let the sentence hang in the air as she looked at him and saw the marked change in his expression. His green eyes couldn’t hide the deeply buried seed of Rafael’s emotions, his eyes were contracting as his pupils darted away from her. Olivia saw him look away and storm off to their bedroom. She was answered with a door slam and her focus went to the wine bottle.

“Good thing I sprung for the large one...” she told herself as she fixed herself a glass and sat on the sofa.

_ I hit a nerve, bringing up his abuelita was too much...damn… _

  
  


Rafael’s latest recurring dream had him sitting on a scruffy, floral patterned sofa in his abuelita’s home. He glanced down and saw his small, pudgy legs dangling off of the sofa, then his hands came into view as he looked at the well trimmed finger nails. To the younger version of him this dream immersed him in, those fingernails looked they the had the secrets of the universe embedded in them.

It was summer in this dream’s time, all of the windows in her apartment were open, a luxury afforded to her because her apartment was on the top level of a ten story building in the south west corner of the Bronx.

“Rafi! Come to the table por favor!” his grandmother called out to him. Her voice sounded decades younger, unlike the last time he had heard it—worn yet loving—and his stubby, chunky legs barely matched the pace he wanted to go but he got into the kitchen. She was only in her forties but she was youthful and stunning. Rafael recalled how all of the other boys in his block were jealous that his grandmother still had her raven locks with curls full of body and bounce, which had started a rumor that she was his mother and not his grandma.

His grandmother’s hands were picking up small pan suave rolls and dipping them into a cinnamon sugar mix, his favorite topping as he felt a smile take over his face.

“Grandma!” he cheered as he hugged her legs.

“Rafi, OH!” she exclaimed with a smile on her face as she looked down at him and chuckled.

“Is it ready?” he asked as she dusted the sugar mix off of her hands.

“Un momento, mijo!” she teased as she made her way to the kitchen sink and washed her hands. Rafael watched her; she was wearing her favorite apron, one that her mother had made for her to wear while cooking after she got married to his grandpa. The flowers on it were sewn with bright patches of primary colored fabric, but grandma didn’t call them the correct colors. She used other words that he had heard his father shout at his mother- their other language, the one he didn’t understand.

His small heart worked up the courage to ask her the question his young mind needed an answer to.

“Grandma, why do you speak English?”

The innocent question had an unintended and harsh effect on her, as she turned around and looked at him. Her brown eyes were confused; she didn’t look angry but neither did his father before he’d hit his mom,  it felt to complex for his young mind to understand.

“Mijo, what do you mean?” she played off her uncertainty as her hands grabbed the plate of Pan suave and steadied it in her grasp.

“Well, mommy says that the funny words you speak are Spanish, but you know English...” his timid voice went low into a whisper. He felt ashamed that his question was confusing to her.

“Sweetheart, I learned Spanish first, when I was a little girl your great grandma only spoke Spanish, so that’s what learned. When I married your abuelito, I learned English. Your mommy knows both and you should too.”

Rafael’s head cocked to the right as he heard her soft chuckle and felt better about asking her.

“Okay! I wanna learn Spanish too!” he declared as she sat down the plate of pan suave and encased him in her arms. He could smell the pretty peach perfume on her clothes and inhaled it deeply.

“Te amo, Rafi.” she cooed in his ear.

“Te ‘ammo’ grandma!” he replied.

The dream melted away as the smell of the pan suave and her perfume vanished from his olfactory system and the blaring alarm clock overpowered him, jarring him awake.

  
  


Olivia reached over him and disconnected his alarm, her chest close to his face.

“Good morning Rafael.” she said as he took in a whiff of her scent. The soft amber smell stirred him awake, his hardened member pressing into the mattress as he recalled what they had fought about.

“Olivia...” he murmured as she brushed back a strand of her hair.

“Let’s get breakfast and we’ll talk. Your turn to make coffee.” her finger booped the top of his nose and he blushed.

“um...”

Olivia’s brown eyes widened and she chuckled.

“Rafael, I’ve seen your erection...go turn on the coffee machine, I prepped it this morning. Just turn it on.”

Begrudgingly Rafael stood up and fumbled his way into the kitchen. His hands touched the coffee machine, but his mental fog made turning on the machine impossible. After flipping the switches a couple of times, his nose was hit with the smell of a dark french roast brew. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and turned towards the cabinet but bumped into Olivia.

“You just going to let me crash into you?” he sassed as Olivia held him flesh to her body.

“Only because you do every time...about last night...”

Rafael took in her scent again as his interjection muffled against her neck.

“-Liv, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about what I said about Noah, it’s just that...”

“..I know why you’re hesitant to teach Noah Spanish, Rafael.”

His innocent eyes tilted upward at her.

“Heh, how could you know?-”

She brushed back a bit of his hair as strands of her down framed their faces, a curtain to block out the light of the morning sun coming through the balcony window.

“It’s the last gift your grandmother- tu abuelita- gave you. It's beyond the physical, it speaks to the very bit of who you are, your past and your future, the one you want to share with Noah and I.”

Rafael bit the corner of his mouth as she continued.

“Rafael it was wrong for me to ask for such a gift from you, even if my reasons were good. I’m sorry.”

His head shook as a puff of steam rose from the top of the coffee machine.

“No Liv...it's just hard to speak it...” his eyes watered and he left her embrace.

“...hey...” she grabbed his hand and he stopped, “...tell me please...” she whispered.

“It’s not just the language, it’s every memory, all of the moments she gave me while she taught it to me...” a stray tear trailed down his cheek.

He saw the reflective, yet shared sadness in her own face.

“It’s your biggest connection to her and now that she’s passed...you feel like the bond is gone, that when you speak it she isn’t listening, right?”

More tears rained down from his eyes. He sat the coffee mug on the counter and immediately felt Olivia holding him, comforting him. Rafael wanted to stop dreaming about her, stop thinking about his abuelita. When the frenzy of work stood still, those instances-small pockets of release- were torturous because she was still alive to him. Her eyes were full of vigor and light again, she called him ‘el juez’- her own way of motivating him to pursue all of his dreams. The hellish flash was when back when Olivia and him had started to date, she had told him Olivia was his ‘amor predestinado’, his fated love. Upon hearing those words he knew it was true, and his life with Olivia only cemented it day after day.

“Hey, let it out...it’s okay.” Olivia cooed in his ear. He felt his chest and mouth birth to pained cried stifled long after her funeral. His mind hummed with bits of her; memories played in his consciousness--

 

_ “Azul, rojo, y amarillo!” his young, todder voice proudly boasted as his grandma smiled back at him. They were back in the dream’s moment, both of them eating her fresh pan suave and he felt the same joy from her as he did in that moment years ago. _

__ _ “Es muy bien, Rafi! Muy bien!” _

 

__

__ _ “Abuelita, No!” teenaged Rafael pleaded as her purse opened up and she handed him a bit of spending money. _

__ _ “You and Steven have a good time at the theater. I want you two to act it out when you get home.” she teased him. Rafael pocketed the money and hugged her. _

__ _ “Okay… te amo abuelita.” he got out as her kisses covered his face, her love injected into his heart, quickly and joyfully. _

 

“Rafael?” Olivia’s gentle broke into the cavalcade of his memories, his trembling lips and aching eyes pulled momentarily out of grief as he looked at her.

“I miss her, I miss her every day. I don’t know how I keep going, I don’t--!” he wailed as Olivia stroked his back.

“Rafael you keep going because you want to...we’ll leave the Spanish alone-”

“No!” his rebuttal croaked from his mouth, “No...I don’t want to--”

Her eyes studied him, “You don’t want to what?”

“I don’t want to lose it, I don’t want to end it...”

“What?”

He quickly wiped his eyes, “Olivia, it’s my turn to teach it, to give it, because keeping it all to myself is wrong and Noah is...”

Her face began to contort, reigning in her own emotions but he kissed her forehead and her own tears fell.

“He’s my hijo, our hijo Liv...he always will be.”

  
  


Rafael stood in their kitchen, wearing one of Olivia’s aprons. He had come home early after court to spend the evening with Noah while she worked on another case. Both him and the young man stood over the kitchen table, Noah being assisted with a step stool and his tiptoes. He had made it a point for Rafael to change them both into more comfy, ‘mess clothes’ as Olivia had taught him to say and naturally Rafael found it impossible to disagree with him. Their mess clothes, or rather, sweats and t-shirts gave Rafael a mental transition that made their cooking more fun instead of for work.

Noah watched him take a cup of flour and pour it over the butter and eggs in the large purple mixing bowl.

“Okay Noah, we’re gonna mix this together.” Rafael stated as he saw the youthful light dance in Noah’s eyes. While he had come a long way in his speech therapy, he rarely said more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to him, an aspect of their relationship Rafael longed to fix. The little man nodded his head and Rafael stood behind him, holding on the bowl as Noah began to mix the ingredients, bit of the batter getting on the table.

“Good job Noah, es buen!” Rafael cheered as Noah tilted his head up and giggled.

“Thanks Rafi!” he said as Rafael smiled back at him.

“De nada Noah.” Rafael kissed the top of Noah’s head. The look on his face matched the one Rafael recalled giving his abuelita in his dream.

“Rafi...” Noah timidly started to speak. Whenever he had to state more than a couple of words together, Noah’s confidence dwindled, but recalling Olivia’s advice to be encouraging, Rafael paid him his full attention, “...what a ‘denada’?”

“De nada means ‘you’re welcome’ in Spanish Noah.” Rafael replied as he moved to the side of the table and finished mixing up the ingredients.

“Oh...” Noah whispered as his face showcased him understanding the new word, “Will I learn ‘is-pan-ol’ too?”

The chuckle exited his mouth before he could stop it and he felt terrible for a moment until he saw Noah’s eyes soften, “Noah, if you want to learn Spanish, or Espanol, I can teach you.”

His adoptive son’s blue eyes lit up with a pure glee Rafael didn’t think he’d ever see or feel again in his lifetime.

“Really?!” Noah exclaimed as Rafael continued.

“Si Noah, yes...I’ll teach you—oh!” Rafael felt Noah hug him to so tightly he thought he was going to fall over and take the mixing bowl with him but instead Rafael heard her words in his head again.

_ “Es buen Rafi, es muy buen!” _

__ _ “Gracias, abuelita...” _

 

__ “Rafi...you okay?” Noah softly asked as Rafael looked down at him.

“Si, estoy muy bien--”

“What?”

Rafael laughed, “I’m good Noah...so first Spanish word of the day is, Espanol-”

 

Rafael and him continued to bake the pan suave through the evening, an easy and joyful exchange of Spanish and English flowed between them, giving Noah a new experience and letting Rafael rekindle an old one.

_ “Te amo Abuelita.” _

__ _ Te amo, Rafi. _


End file.
